What do you think about leadership and submission in the home?
As a teacher of the Scriptures, I am concerned that misinterpretations of the Bible and the writings of Ellen White are used to support abusive relations between husbands and wives. And it must be pointed out that the abuse is not always on the side of the husband. When God’s word is misunderstood, both husbands and wives tend toward abusive relations.
Sometimes, when wives do not agree with the leadership of their husbands, they seek to take over leadership without understanding the leadership of Christ any more than their husbands do. Similarly, sometimes, when husbands do not agree with the submission of their wives, they seek to compensate by becoming submissive husbands without understanding the submission of Christ any more than their wives do. In brief, confusion is caused by misunderstandings of Christ’s leadership and Christ’s submission on the part of husbands as well as wives.
Possibly the most important biblical text on this subject is found in Ephesians 5:21-33. Also, possibly the biggest mistake made in interpreting this passage is to miss the fact that the entire passage is an explanation of the first verse: “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (5:21). Here we have a clear call to mutual submission.
When the husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church and gives himself for his wife (5:25-29), he is doing his part in the relationship of mutual submission (5:21). In addition, the command to men to love their wives and give themselves for their wives does not imply that women are not to love their husbands and give themselves for their husbands. Remember, Christlike submission is Christlike love.
When the wife submits to her own husband and not to other men (5:22-24) she is doing her part in the relationship of mutual submission (5:21). Here again, the command that women are to submit to their own husbands as unto the Lord does not mean that men are not to submit to their own wives as unto the Lord. Remember, Christlike love is Christlike submission.
But Pastor, what about headship? Is not the husband the head? Can there be two heads in one house? Are two heads better than one in marriage? In the letter to the Corinthians Paul explains his view of headship as follows. “The head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God” (1 Cor 11:3). How many heads are there here? The man is head, and Christ–the Son of God–is head, and God–the Father of the Son–is head.
But what about the woman Pastor?! I am glad you asked. Here is Paul’s answer. On the one hand, in terms of the chronological order of creation, “the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man” (11:8-9). On the other hand, in terms of the Christ centered order of creation, “Nevertheless, neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord. For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God” (11:11-12).
I like the way Ellen White counsels the Christian husband about submission. “When husbands require the complete subjection of their wives, declaring that women have no voice or will in the family, but must render entire submission, they place their wives in a position contrary to the Scripture. In interpreting the Scripture in this way, they do violence to the design of the marriage institution. This interpretation is made simply that they may exercise arbitrary rule, which is not their prerogative” (Adventist Home, 116).
I also like the way she counsels the Christian wife about submission. “In the creation, God had made her the equal of Adam. Had they remained obedient to God--in harmony with His great law of love--they would ever have been in harmony with each other; but sin had brought discord, and now their union could be maintained and harmony preserved only by submission on the part of the one or the other” (Adventist Home, 115). “Like restless modern Eves, she was flattered with the hope of entering a higher sphere than that which God had assigned her. In attempting to rise above her original position [equality with her husband], she fell far below it” (Adventist Home, 115).
Sometimes, when wives do not agree with the leadership of their husbands, they seek to take over leadership without understanding the leadership of Christ any more than their husbands do. Similarly, sometimes, when husbands do not agree with the submission of their wives, they seek to compensate by becoming submissive husbands without understanding the submission of Christ any more than their wives do. In brief, confusion is caused by misunderstandings of Christ’s leadership and Christ’s submission on the part of husbands as well as wives.
Possibly the most important biblical text on this subject is found in Ephesians 5:21-33. Also, possibly the biggest mistake made in interpreting this passage is to miss the fact that the entire passage is an explanation of the first verse: “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (5:21). Here we have a clear call to mutual submission.
When the husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church and gives himself for his wife (5:25-29), he is doing his part in the relationship of mutual submission (5:21). In addition, the command to men to love their wives and give themselves for their wives does not imply that women are not to love their husbands and give themselves for their husbands. Remember, Christlike submission is Christlike love.
When the wife submits to her own husband and not to other men (5:22-24) she is doing her part in the relationship of mutual submission (5:21). Here again, the command that women are to submit to their own husbands as unto the Lord does not mean that men are not to submit to their own wives as unto the Lord. Remember, Christlike love is Christlike submission.
But Pastor, what about headship? Is not the husband the head? Can there be two heads in one house? Are two heads better than one in marriage? In the letter to the Corinthians Paul explains his view of headship as follows. “The head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God” (1 Cor 11:3). How many heads are there here? The man is head, and Christ–the Son of God–is head, and God–the Father of the Son–is head.
But what about the woman Pastor?! I am glad you asked. Here is Paul’s answer. On the one hand, in terms of the chronological order of creation, “the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man” (11:8-9). On the other hand, in terms of the Christ centered order of creation, “Nevertheless, neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord. For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God” (11:11-12).
I like the way Ellen White counsels the Christian husband about submission. “When husbands require the complete subjection of their wives, declaring that women have no voice or will in the family, but must render entire submission, they place their wives in a position contrary to the Scripture. In interpreting the Scripture in this way, they do violence to the design of the marriage institution. This interpretation is made simply that they may exercise arbitrary rule, which is not their prerogative” (Adventist Home, 116).
I also like the way she counsels the Christian wife about submission. “In the creation, God had made her the equal of Adam. Had they remained obedient to God--in harmony with His great law of love--they would ever have been in harmony with each other; but sin had brought discord, and now their union could be maintained and harmony preserved only by submission on the part of the one or the other” (Adventist Home, 115). “Like restless modern Eves, she was flattered with the hope of entering a higher sphere than that which God had assigned her. In attempting to rise above her original position [equality with her husband], she fell far below it” (Adventist Home, 115).
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Barrington Brennen on -
Great Topic, Dr. Martin Hanna. I really believe that "wives are to love their husband as Christ love the church" also. The literalistic approach to Bible study often leads us down a road of errors. I also believe in joint leadership in the home and both are priests in the home or spiritual leaders. Although Ellen White often refers to the father as priest, it is my opinion that God intended both to be spiritual leaders (priests) in the home.
Do you think this quote by Ellen G. White is speaking only about the men. I believe is is both men and women (mothers and fathers)
"Parents standing as heads of families, priests of the household, as teachers and as governors, must first receive their lessons from the One who has said, "Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light." They must obey the highest Authority, and then as obedient children of God they can give the sincere, earnest, all-important education to their children."
Submission: I see submission not as a behavior but as a attitude. Both of the wife and the husband.
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Permalink Reply by Martin Hanna on -
That’s a good quote Pastor Brennen. I am repeating it here with the source from which it is taken. “Parents standing as heads of families, priests of the household, as teachers and as governors, must first receive their lessons from the One who has said, "Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light." They must obey the highest Authority, and then as obedient children of God they can give the sincere, earnest, all-important education to their children” (Manuscript Releases, 19:317).
The Father is the head of Christ and Christ is the head of man and man is the head of woman (1 Cor 11:3). Working backwards, we could say that since man and woman are the heads of their families so God and Christ are the heads of man. Some will say: but we cant have two heads! The answer is that the Father and the Son are one (Jn 10:30)and so their headship is one. Similarly, if the husband and wife are one (Eph 5:31) so their headship will be one. The headship of Christ does not compromise the headship of the Father since they are one. It is the Father that shares His headship with His Son. Similarly, the headship of the wife does not compromise the headship of the husband who willingly shares his headship with his wife.
I like to keep all these discussions grounded in Scripture so that those who read will not think that this is an unbiblical discussion. Notice how all the points we are making here are already stated by the Apostle Paul. “I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God” (1 Cor 11:3). This is illustrated in the chronological order of creation where “the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man” (11:8).
At the same time, a Christ centered interpretation of the order of creation shows that: “Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord. For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God” (11:11-12). Therefore, in the Lord, the headship of the man is nothing without the complementary headship of the woman. If they are one flesh, both the man and the woman have a headship that comes from God.
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Permalink Reply by Ian Greene on -
Hmmmmmmmmmmm this is a great one for sure, I am some what in a bind when it comes to this scripture, in Genesis 3. how when sin entered the world that GOD came and call for the man not both of them, even though he knew the both of them had fallen into sin. My point is that I believe in the writing of E.G. White and as she has stated I think that the head of the home is ultimated in times of disagreement the responsibility of the man.
How I figure it as how GOD the FATHER and GOD the SON and GOD the HOLLY SPIRIT can be and act as one is because there is never no division of disagreement in the GOD head. now when it comes to the home we may have disagreements and division of thoughts and actions. I believe that both has to work together but in the end if there is a disagreement the father has the final say. I want to make my self clear that I am not into dominating any one especially the one I love as my wife, but there are times when we do not agree on some matters concerning how things should be done, as for me I am a strong believe in GOD and my Faith seems to be far out there some times, but as I know my GOD.
I have an obligation to be true to my GOD as for all that HE has done for me, its an obligation of faith and love that drives me to do and act and think of what best and whats right for my family. I think the bible is very clear on this one. I say a prayer and then I listen for the voice of GOD and follow HIS calling what about you? Oh by th way HE still speaks if we will only listen!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Martin Hanna on
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Brother Ian Green, you are correct to take responsibility for leading your family in the way of the Lord. God commended Abraham for doing this. God said: “Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he has spoken of him” (Genesis 18:18-19). The question we wrestle with has to do with the way in which Abraham is to "command" his household. This is where a biblical understanding of headship is helpful.
You mention headship when there is disagreement. I believe that the husband is the head of the wife in times of disagreement and in times of agreement. I also believe that this headship is to be a reflection of the headship of the Father over Christ (here there is complete harmony) and the headship of Christ over the church (here there is not yet complete harmony). Members of the church participate in this headship of the Father and the Son.
You rightly point out that headship is not domination. This fits well with the headship of the Father and the Son which is a headship of ministry or service. Jesus said: “You know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:42-45). This kind of headship applies also in marriage.
Disagreements can trigger a competition between husbands and wives over who has the last word. In contrast, Paul describes a headship of self-giving love which facilitates an agreement based on a mutual submission of love between husbands and wives. “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:21-25).
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Permalink Reply by Audley Mitchell on -
This discussion is interesting and provocative...one we had in Bible study several weeks ago.
Paul, in Ephesians 5, paints a comparison of marriage and Christ/church. Whenever discussing this issue, two things dominate my mind.
1. The Christ / church relationship is based on the loving leadership of Christ. He "gave Himself..." for His church. He died for His church. Are we, as husbands, to have the ultimate sacrificial love for our wives (and families)?
2. The church submits to Christ; it is not subjugated by Him. The submission is based on the church's realization of Christ's fitness as a leader and the love He has for His church.
I fully agree that the husband is the leader / head of his family, in harmony and in conflict (like a friend says, anything with two heads belongs in a zoo). This leadership, in the Christian context means Christ's kind of leadership. It means being first...first in saying you are sorry in an argument, even when you may both know you (the husband) are right...it means first in sacrificing when there is a need...it means that the buck stops with you, in good times and in bad...it means willing to forgive over and over and over and over and over again, as Christ does for us.
The leadership in the home (in all circumstances, really) is about function and responsibility. There is privilege built into this kind of leadership.
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Permalink Reply by Martin Hanna on
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Its good to hear from you Audley, my friend!
I agree with you in the way you describe the headship/leadership of Christ and the husband. I think Christ's sacrificial love is to be an example for husbands and the sacrificial love of husbands is to be an example for wives. It is dissapointing to Christ when we do not respond to his love by loving Him in return. It is also dissapointing for husbands who love their wives if that love is not reciprocated.
Wives would be wrong to exploit their husbands love by making the argiument that the husband is commnaded to love. Rather, husbands and wives should competre with each other in finding ways to show love. I think that the same applies to mutual submission. Husbands should not exploit the fact that wives have been commanded to submit. We should compete with each other to find ways to serve each other. This is more fun than competing over who is the ruler.
Is Christ the head of the Church? Yes! Is the husband the head of the wife? Yes! Scripture is plain about this. The problem is that too many misunderstand what Christian headship is like. I like the way you describe headship Audley.
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Permalink Reply by Barrington Brennen on
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We must read Ellen White's writings with an open mind as we read the Bilbe--"here a little, there a little" You cannot take one sentense and conclude the principles that was intended. (at least not always). Ellen White clearly states "Neither husband nor wife is to make a plea for rulership. . . .. Both are to cultivate the spirit of kindness, being determined never to grieve or injure the other. " There is far, far, too much emphasis no headship or who is incharge in marriage. It has cause great chaos. We must promote partnership, compansionship, mutuality, etc.
Barrington Brennen
Ian Greene said:Hmmmmmmmmmmm this is a great one for sure, I am some what in a bind when it comes to this scripture, in Genesis 3. how when sin entered the world that GOD came and call for the man not both of them, even though he knew the both of them had fallen into sin. My point is that I believe in the writing of E.G. White and as she has stated I think that the head of the home is ultimated in times of disagreement the responsibility of the man.
How I figure it as how GOD the FATHER and GOD the SON and GOD the HOLLY SPIRIT can be and act as one is because there is never no division of disagreement in the GOD head. now when it comes to the home we may have disagreements and division of thoughts and actions. I believe that both has to work together but in the end if there is a disagreement the father has the final say. I want to make my self clear that I am not into dominating any one especially the one I love as my wife, but there are times when we do not agree on some matters concerning how things should be done, as for me I am a strong believe in GOD and my Faith seems to be far out there some times, but as I know my GOD.
I have an obligation to be true to my GOD as for all that HE has done for me, its an obligation of faith and love that drives me to do and act and think of what best and whats right for my family. I think the bible is very clear on this one. I say a prayer and then I listen for the voice of GOD and follow HIS calling what about you? Oh by th way HE still speaks if we will only listen!!!!
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